lola: 2012

10/10/12

You don't know shit

You know at nights I stay up, for hours. It doesn't matter how tired I am. My eyes always start to tearing up because they're too tired to be open. But my mind isn't, my mind is always busy. It's busy being afraid, and my heart helps it to feel that way. My mind runs and my heart beats. I also think about you at nights. I always think more about you at a time like this. And I wish for myself, I wish I could see you asleep. I wish you could calm my mind down, make it feel safe. Make my heart feel loved.

7/22/12

I can't make you love Me

I woke up beside you. The sun hit your eyes the second you opened them, you tried to keep them open but the sun was too bright for your eyes to handle. I thought it was beautiful, I have never seen your blue eyes like this. We switched places, and before you jumped to the other side you kissed my forehead. Your lips...so soft. I could feel your smile as you kissed me. I had one thought the whole time we were laying there in this big white cloudy bed. This is too amazing to be true. You were looking right into my eyes, you didn't say a word but I could feel your love. You closed your eyes for a couple of seconds and you smiled. The sun shone through your cute curls. I touched your prickly beard stubble and your smile got bigger. My thoughts and feelings became words of my own shaky voice.
I love you, so so so much.
I felt your hand through my hair and you came closer, right before you kissed my lips I heard you say I love you too. I teared up.

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I wiped my tears away. I knew it was a dream, I could feel it, but as a cheesy romantic movie/ love story I enjoyed every second of it. It's just like that I want it to be. Sigh...